I thought I’d write a little bit about this girl – before I met her. I shared a little bit on Insta and FB about my fears prior to Madison’s birth. I got so many great comments on both posts plus text’s telling me how encouraging it was. It got me thinking. Honesty. Guys, we need more honesty in this world. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes days are tough. Being a mom is hard – let’s lift each other up, always!
When we decided on baby #2 we were so excited! We couldn’t wait to get pregnant and have a new little babe to love on. As soon as we found out we were expecting Madison – it was hard. I mean hard. I was exhausted all the time. I was sick all day. I felt physically awful, which caused me to be in the worst mood for what felt like all the time. Which then caused me to feel like the worst wife and mother on the planet. And this caused me to really question if we made the right choice on #2. Everyday was hard – was this a glimpse of what this child was going to be like? Every doctors appointment, I felt like something went wrong. Which included once not being able to find the heart beat.
I never felt like myself. I was sad and uncomfortable and scared. I was scared I wouldn’t love her like I did her sister. I was scared of how Hayden would react to sharing her parents. Would she resent me? Would I resent the baby? Looking back it all seems ridiculous now. But then, then it was real and it was terrifying.
Sean made a comment when we got home from the hospital… something along the lines of “as soon as she was here, it’s like I looked at you and thought ‘oh, there’s my wife'”. And that’s how it felt. As soon as she arrived suddenly I felt like myself again. And Madison? I was head over heels instantly. This little girl continues to amaze me daily. She’s everything we never knew we were missing.
And the heart expands a little more.